My Racket & Me: A Love Story *IN PHOTOS*

Written by: Chrissann

 

I admit that I have a tendency to make a lot of hyperbolic claims about things I “can’t live without” in island life, but it is no exaggeration to say that I’d be long gone if it weren’t for my electrocution rackets. Particularly now, when shit has really hit the fan mosquito-wise after our most recent bout of heavy rains, it leaves me to ponder how island folk in the Days of Yore ever survived without them. Suicide/homicide rates must have been significantly higher. I’m afraid of what I would be capable of without a racket through which to channel my murderous mosquito rage. My powerlessness against the unstoppable itchiness would likely lead me to ruin.

The current swarms around my house have led to my racket and me becoming pretty inseparable. My boyfriend came home late from work the other night to find us snuggled in bed together and snapped this pic:

racket bed

While he wonders if my dependance on the racket has gone a tad too far, I, on the other hand, fantasize about acquiring a third arm so that I could effectively manage my day to day existence without ever having to set the racket down. Too far? Or not far enough?

My rackets give me a sense of control over my fate. Instead of standing in the midst of a horde, flailing my clumsy human paws around impotently, with the racket in hand I am able to zap those little assholes and literally fry the life out of them. The pop and crack of the racket signalling their demise is the most satisfying sound I have ever known.

And so, I’d like to take a moment and give gratitude where gratitude is due. This one’s for you, Racket.

racket cover edit

From the moment I wake up, you’re there to protect me.

When I have to leave the screened in safety of the indoors each morning for my outdoor shower, we brave the onslaught together. You minimize the bites my naked body must endure, and I try my best not to get you wet and kill you.

racket shower

When I am trying to do my makeup and mosquitoes brazenly attempt to bite my face right in front of me, you help me to punish them with the death penalty for being so cavalier.

racket makeup

When my daily workout is already consuming every last scrap of willpower I have as it is, and then some little scoundrel arrives on the scene and threatens to take down the entire enterprise, you’re there to quickly rid us of her irksome presence and keep me strong.

racket workout

When I head outside multiple times per day to the aviaries to care for my toucans, and the bugs are so bad that I am forced to wear two damn layers of sweatpants & hooded sweatshirts in the 80+ degree heat to protect myself, having you by my side provides me with additional fortitude in knowing that we’ll be able to take out at least 50+ at a time, ending their bloodthirsty mission forever, if we stay focused.

racket bird wear

I simply can’t be without you, Racket. Nor can I be without my toucans. So I even trained them to accept your presence and now we can all coexist happily together.

racket toucan

While I work hard all day at my desk and the little buzzfuckers insist on constantly distracting me with their unrelenting assault against my ankles, you intervene, so that I can get back to the task at hand.

racket desk

And when I’m trying to find some inner peace through my yoga practice, and the mosquitos’ constant “eeeee” whine in my ears threatens me with insanity instead, you stop them in their tracks, and help me get back to my zen.

racket yoga

You make island life worth living, Racket. Thank you for always being there for me. I simply couldn’t go on without you.

Forever yours,
Chrissann

racket montage

Me and you, and you and me. So happy together…

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Chrissann Nickel

About Chrissann Nickel

Chrissann’s home rock in the British Virgin Islands, against all logic, feels bigger to her than it actually is. Though after spending five years on a teensy one acre island, the current 13-mile long rock she’s residing on now IS ginormous, at least by comparison. As with everything in the Caribbean, it’s all about perspective.

Once upon a time she used to care about things like matching her purse to her pumps, but these days, she’s a card-carrying member of the Barefoot Nation. She is utterly enchanted with vinyasa yoga, especially when practiced on somewhat precarious, deliciously Instagram-able surfaces (she's @WomanOnARock) such as paddleboards, boats, cliffs, or even the occasional willing friend’s body. She vehemently believes that toucans are the best animals ever (period.) and there is no convincing her otherwise (though imperious roadside goats come in as a close second).

As the Editor in Chief of this site, she spends a lot of her time working from home all by her lonesome writing, editing, and cultivating content designed to make her fellow islanders laugh. Besides her writerly pursuits, she moonlights as a yoga instructor, and attributes at least a smidge of her insanity to the amount of time she spends talking to drunk people. If you’re somehow still reading this and feel inclined to find out more about this “Chrissann” of which we speak, you can also take a gander at her eponymous personal website, www.chrissannnickel.com

CURRENT ROCK OF RESIDENCE: Virgin Gorda, BVI

ISLAND GIRL SINCE: 2006

ORIGINALLY HAILS FROM: California

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19 thoughts on “My Racket & Me: A Love Story *IN PHOTOS*

  1. Ah–yes. We need to write a popular song to the zappers. My favorite sound is the zing of their demise. And – I love how funny you are. The photos that accompany your story are NOT EXAGGERATIONS!!We all sleep with our rackets, shower with them ( those of us with outside showers), and have one in every room .
    Die, mosquito , die.
    Racket, dear racket,
    Zap it in the eye.
    Let it burn,
    Let it squeal
    I won’t be
    Its meal!

  2. I have one here in Vancouver BC to kill the incessant flies that plagued me at a recent job location. I am thinking of taking it with me on an upcoming trip to the Dominican Republic. I wonder if it would get through customs??

    • I think it would Sandra. It’s such a common item in the islands, I don’t see why they would have an issue with it. Worse comes to worse, I bet you can find one there easily to buy as well. 😉

  3. Poor dog goes running anytime The Jolt comes out. She’s never been zapped, to the best of our recollection. We can only surmise she can hear the capacitor charging and the high frequency whine bothers her ears.

  4. Pingback: Weekend Links and Inspiration

    • How nice for you, Bruce! 🙂 I’m on Virgin Gorda in the BVI. Usually, it’s most intense at dawn and dusk, but after the rains, it can get pretty intense 24 hours a day.

  5. Just saw this for the first time & as I am also in the BVI had to go back & check the date cuz until today we haven’t had rain for months. However now must pull out the zapper & ensure it is recharged (my blessed “lady what does” gave us a rechargeable one with flashlight on the end of it – what luxury!) So we’ll be more than ready when they start coming out with a vengeance in a couple days.

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