Life on my island comes in two seasons: Rainy and Dry.
We love the dry season out here on Guam. The trade winds pick up, the temperature sticks around a nice, comfortable 80°F, the water is cool and refreshing, the grass dry, the hikes bearable.
And then there’s the rainy season.
I fully expected similar weather to the Caribbean out here on Guam and my first season out here did not disappoint. Three months after moving here came a Level 1 typhoon (same thing as a hurricane with the difference that it spins clockwise) brushing past our island. Being no virgin to hurricanes having grown up living through Fran, Floyd, Irene, Isabel, Gaston, Katrina, and Sandy, I did what any self-respecting east coaster does during a Category 1: I made myself a cocktail, watched the radar, waited for a clear moment, and much to my horrified neighbors dismay, I walked my dogs because nature called. They were convinced that we were going to get hit by a coconut and die. Instead, I harvested said fallen coconuts and treated everyone to a cocktail. (Disclaimer: We have been very fortunate that no major typhoons have hit our shores and if they had, I would have likely been in a shelter and trying to convince my dogs to pee on a puppy pad. All has thankfully been well on Guam since I arrived 3.5 years ago.)
And then I experienced a monsoon.
I always joked about monsoons when it would rain all day back home. In dramatic fashion, I would show up to work commenting about needing to leave early so I can work on my Arc.
I will joke no more.
Do you know what weeks and weeks of raining does to someone’s mental stability? When those weeks of rains are backed up by a typhoon passing through causing storm surge on top of the inland flooding? I have given up mopping my floors. My apartment has a constant fragrance I have named, “Wet Dog Musk.” I have considered bottling this and selling it on Etsy as “Island Rainy Season.” The entire beach is covered in this algae that appeared overnight and feels like a booger when it squishes between your toes, which is unavoidable for me because, monsoon or not, my dogs gotta pee and wearing slippers (sandals) on the beach is more of a slip hazard than just squishing and sliming your way to the ideal spot in which your dog prefers to hide his poo.
I have spent entirely too much time indoors and my house is a dark, damp sadness that I didn’t realize could even be this dark because I evidently rely on natural lighting entirely too much. I have started having full on conversations with my dogs due to the complete lack of human interaction because no one wants to go out in a monsoon. I have run out of things to binge watch. I ventured out to grocery shop and nearly sunk my lifted Jeep into a river that had once been the main road.
They say that it’s almost over, but I basically have become a meteorologist from all the radar watching I have done and there are several more storms on their way. I don’t think I will ever see the sun again and so this is the life I will lead: soggy and musty and bored out of my mind. There is a bright side in all of this, however: Guam has been plagued with droughts for the last few years that I have been on island, so as much as I am not enjoying all this rain, I do welcome the increased water tables for my tiny island that used to be in the sun.
That all being said, I was grossly unprepared for this. And now I know. This is miserable. So, next year, I will be ready: I will load up my liquor cabinet BEFORE I have to venture out into the floods.