After reading this recent compilation of actual tourist complaints from Thomas Cook, I was inspired to put together a list of our own – one that is specific to visitors of our rocks.

While tourists certainly have their fair share of valid complaints to make when visiting our islands on vacation (this area of the world is not exactly known for its stellar customer service), they still find plenty of time to make an equal amount of ridiculously laughable gripes as well.

So without further ado, here is a list of  20 COMMON CARIBBEAN TRAVELER COMPLAINTS compiled by your very own Women Who Live on Rocks writers, in no particular order…

  1. Someone needs to move the palm tree that’s to the left of my balcony. Its fronds are blocking my ability to take a full panorama photo.
  2. You should do something about these mosquitoes – they’re ruining our vacation. Hasn’t someone invented a machine by now that gets rid of them completely? Your resort should really look into this.
  3. Why don’t you guys hand out leis at the airport like they do in Hawaii? It’s a much nicer arrival experience – we only got a rum sample, which isn’t a souvenir at all. 
  4. You need to move your signage – it’s ruining my view on the island webcam I follow. (Heated discussion posted in an online travel forum.)
  5. This ____ (insert pretty much anything here) is so expensive. It only costs $___ (insert envy-worthy low sum here) back at home. This place is ridiculously over-priced – everyone seems to be trying to rip us off.
  6. Why isn’t there a Starbuck’s here?
  7. Snorkeling is exhausting. I feel more tired now than when I arrived on this trip to relax.
  8. The sun here is too intense. I don’t normally wear sunscreen at home and got a sunburn and heat rash here after only 30 minutes on the beach. It doesn’t make any sense.
  9. I was told that everyone spoke English here, but I can’t understand anything the locals (or, from the more offensive visitors, “the natives”) are saying.
  10. You should really remove all of those urchins in the water off the beach. They’re dangerous. *click for image credit
  11. Everything here is so touristy. We were hoping for a more authentic Caribbean experience (says the cruise-shipper on his mega ship’s pre-packaged excursion).
  12. There’s not enough to do here. We aren’t really beach people and the kids don’t know how to swim.
  13. There’s not enough fish in the water. My daughter really wanted to see one of those Nemo fish and we couldn’t even spot one. (Referring to the Pacific fish, somehow missing from the Caribbean sea.)
  14. The sand isn’t as white and the ocean’s not as “see through” as it looked in the pictures online.
  15. No one is able to give me simple directions with route numbers. This place is impossible to navigate.
  16. I thought there would be more fresh fruit and freshly caught fish here. This island isn’t as exotic as I thought it would be.
  17. It would be more authentic if the people here spoke with a Jamaican accent (said on every other Caribbean island other than Jamaica).
  18. Your island should have an airport. It is a huge inconvenience to have to take a ferry here.
  19. The ocean here is too warm. With it being so hot outside, it would be much more refreshing if it could somehow be cooler.
  20. The construction site up the hill is too loud. Can you ask them to wait to start work until after 10 am? We are on vacation after all…

– – –

Did we miss any? Share your stories of funny tourist bellyaching in the comments below!

Written By:

Chrissann Nickel

Current Rock of Residence:

Virgin Gorda, BVI

Island Girl Since:

2006

Originally Hails From:

California

Chrissann’s home rock in the British Virgin Islands feels bigger to her than it actually is. Though after spending five years on a teensy one acre island, the current 13-mile long rock she’s residing on now IS ginormous, at least by comparison. As with everything in the tropics, it’s all about perspective.

Once upon a time she used to care about things like matching her purse to her pumps but these days, any activities that require a bra and shoes go under careful, is-this-even-worth-it consideration. If island life has taught her anything at all, it’s that few things are more rewarding than time spent in the pool with a cocktail in hand.

As the Editor in Chief of this site, she spends her days working from home with her blue-eyed sidekick, Island Dog Diego, writing, editing, and cultivating content in the hopes of bringing some laughter and lightness to her fellow island souls. She recently published her first children’s book, When You’re a Baby Who Lives on a Rock, and is pretty pumped to share it with all of the island mamas out there. Her days off are typically spent boating, hiking, and meeting up with the neighborhood’s imperious roadside goats, who she shamelessly bribes into friendship. While normalcy was never listed as one of her special skills, Caribbean life may indeed be responsible for new levels of madness. She attributes at least a smidge of her insanity to the amount of time she spends talking to drunk people.

If you’re somehow still reading this and feel inclined to find out more about this “Chrissann” of which we speak, you can also take a gander at her eponymous website or follow her daily escapades on Instagram @womanonarock.

Want to read more posts by this writer? Click here.

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