Written by: CHRISSANN NICKEL
There are many essentials you simply can’t live without on a rock – things like mosquito rackets, reliable brakes, wine, polarized sunglasses, duct tape, backup wine, you name it. But above all the little things (and the big things like wine), it’s island girlfriends that can really make or break your island experience.
There have been transition periods in my 10 years of living on rocks where I didn’t have a solid island girlfriend and as a result, those times were definitely The Pits. The Pits of Despair, Sweaty Pits of the Arms, generally all things awful and a total stinkfest. Island life can be transitory in nature and whenever an island girlfriend moves on, they always take a piece of my heart with them (after they somehow manage to pry my desperate claws off of their ankles, of course).
Among my most fantastical of wishes – right up there with becoming a professional Mermaid Unicorn Trainer (it’s complicated, I don’t have time to explain it to you now) and solving the world’s energy crisis with laughter – is to have all of my island girlfriends, past and present, on one rock at the same time. Though I imagine we’d achieve few things beyond the worthy goals of drinking the island out of its wine stores and solving the world’s energy crisis with our laughter. A girl can dream…
This post goes out to all of the precious, sparkly Island Girlfriends out there who make island life worth living. Be grateful for them – and don’t forget to be one of them.
These are just a few of the many, many Reasons Island Girlfriends Rock our Rocks:
Island Girlfriends will always welcome you into their home for a shower whenever you run out of water at your house. No matter the hour. Woke up for work at 5:30am and are greeted by the epic cruelty of no water out of the pipes? Come on over. Sometimes, if Island Girlfriend is the cooking type (aka one of the bestest types), she will even make you breakfast.
Island Girlfriends are always there to offer you reassurance when someone calls you “faht” – for the third time in a week.
Island Girlfriends keep a running list in their heads of all the things you are currently jonesing for so the second any of the elusive items (Kale! Miso paste! Sriracha!) happen to magically appear on the bleak shelves of the grocery store, they can grab said items for you so you don’t miss them before they disappear.
When you are suffering from misplaced seasonal loneliness, Island Girlfriends come to the rescue with an island-style celebration that may not be exactly what you’re wishing for, but ends up being better because it’s here in paradise and you’re together.
When you have a rare fancy-ish event to attend, Island Girlfriends are always willing to share their clothes and accessories with you when you don’t have anything in your sad island closet that’s quite right.
When you have had an Island Week from Hell, Island Girlfriends will meet you at the bar and match you drink for drink until your bitterness turns to laughter and you’ve all forgiven the Island for its injustices.
When an island beast (tarantula, snake, giant rat, you name it) is stuck in your home, no matter how much they fear it too, Island Girlfriends will come with their own weapons of choice to assist in the horrifying evacuation process until you can feel safe in your home again.
Island Girlfriends will brighten your day with sarcastic picture texts of Crazy Island Shit that is happening all around them whenever you’re apart so that you can be reminded to take pictures and yes – laugh – at all of the Crazy Island Shit that is happening all around you too. “Look! Sewage is exploding on the street and some just splashed on my sandals! LOLOLOL *insert barfing emoji* *insert poop/ice cream emoji*”
When your incompetent island bank decides to decline your card in the most embarrassing of situations (grocery line, group dinner, spa day, etc.) even though you KNOW FOR A FACT that there is no way your card should be declined, Island Girlfriends are happy to cover for you. Because they’ve totally been there too.
When some island guy hurts your heart, Island Girlfriends are there to not only pick up the pieces, but also to make sure he (and everyone else in Mayberry) knows he’s an assclown who should be voted off the rock.
When your internet is out (or prohibitively slow as shit), Island Girlfriends’ houses are your new Internet Cafés.
When some scary ass, unidentifiable island noise scares the bajeezus out of you in the middle of the night, Island Girlfriends will come to your rescue (or send their Island Men on loan) so you can walk out into the bush together and reassure yourself that That Noise was just a heron on the hunt and not an intruder trying to murder you.
Island Girlfriends are always willing to drive across the island to pick you up – no matter the distance, no matter how much they hate driving, no matter the hour.
When some thoughtless person slams you or your business on an online forum – aka the Island Gossip Mill – Island Girlfriends will come to your public defense with The Facts. Ain’t nobody gonna smear my Island Girlfriend’s rep!
When you just need to get out of your house, Island Girlfriends’ houses are always open to you. Even if you just want to sit there. Island Girlfriends do not care if each other’s houses are clean – so long as there’s wine and/or weed and a sympathetic ear, it’s all good in the neighborhood.
Island Girlfriends share their island connections. Need an “in” with a new government department that you’ve never had to deal with before? Leave it to Island Girlfriends to pave the way for a positive first interaction.
Island Girlfriends check for your List of Needs before they leave the rock for a trip of their own. They save room in their luggage for your shit on top of all their shit. Because that’s just the Rules of Island Girlfriending.
Island Girlfriends share their visiting girlfriends with you. They would never desert you even if they have old besties come to see them on island. Friends are even more important here, and sharing friends is like sharing gold. The more the merrier.
When you all feel a bit depressivo that your rock does not have a proper coffee shop, Island Girlfriends are happy to alternate weeks of hosting coffee dates at each other’s houses. It may not be Starbucks, but sometimes just having your morning coffee somewhere other than your own kitchen is refreshing enough.
Island Girlfriends will sniff the jeans you’re wearing and tell you if it is, in fact, you who is smelling like mold. Then they will helpfully spray you with the Febreze they have in their cars. Because we all have Febreze in our cars. And we all smell like mold sometimes.
When you have Rock Fever something wicked, Island Girlfriends plan a trip with you – and distract you leading up to it with happy thoughts of your upcoming off-island time to keep you sane.
Island Girlfriends feed you when everything is closed and you’re sick of what you have in your own fridge (if anything).
When you need someone to listen to a tirade of island complaints, Island Girlfriends will lend an ear. They can even tell when you need someone to commiserate or when you need someone to help you see the positives. And they adjust their reactions accordingly.
When island life starts to feel monotonous, Island Girlfriends are ready and willing to try out new activities, no matter how ridiculous they sound. Let’s make popcorn, drink wine, and wear costumes! And then go swimming in them! Because – yes!
Island Girlfriends give the best gifts – ones that are often hilariously practical for your specific island life woes. I never thought someone would gift me with an old school geisha hand fan – or that I would think it was the best gift ever.
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To all of you Women Who Live on Rocks out there – I wish you an endless supply of fabulous Island Girlfriends to brighten your rock life!
In what ways have Island Girlfriends come through for you on your rock?